I have seen and experienced many conflicts that arise due to assumptions, unuttered expectations, and the absence of you-attitude. The following hypothetical situations aims at highlighting a conflict due to above factors that may be typical in our daily lives.
Karen, a cheerful and happy-go-lucky girl was very quiet during dinner. She was feeling down at the moment, having lost her wallet and found out that some of her books had been destroyed by molds due to careless keeping. These two events happened on two consecutive days, disallowing Karen the chance to collect herself together after each misfortunate.
Charlie, Karen’s friend, was aware of the mishaps that befell his friend. Nonetheless, he did not offer Karen any help. Instead, he joked about Karen’s adversity and claimed that she was over-reacting.
That proved to be the last straw for Karen and she snapped “Do you have the faintest idea what I have been through? It’s miserable enough that you, claiming to be my friend, do not offer me any help. And now you even joke about it? What an insensitive creature you are.”
Karen then left the table, vowing not to talk to Charlie anymore.
Charlie was puzzled. He had assumed that Karen was fine because she did not approach him for help. Little did he know that Karen was expecting him to help, without her pleas. Then Charlie remembered that her wallet was a gift from her grandmother. Karen also got here books from her childhood friends, which explain Karen’s grave reaction. Failure to position himself in Karen’s shoes had cost him their friendships.
Looking at the murky situation here, what would you suggest to the two characters in order to resolve their conflict?
Hi Sheila!
ReplyDeleteTo Charlie: I think he should take the initiative to get in contact with Karen. If she doesn't not want to see him, he could send a SMS or an email. He should sincerely apologise for his insensitivity and explained that he treasured this friendship.
To Karen: I would urge her to rethink about her actions after a few days. If she really treasured Charlie as a friend, she would have regretted that unnecessary outburst. Like Charlie, she should apologise to Charlie and it is likely that Charlie would accept her apology.
yeah, apology is crucial. and not everybody has the courage to apologise. =)
ReplyDeleteHi Shelia!
ReplyDeleteIf I am Charlie, I would write Karen a card. In the card, I would apologize to her for my insensitivity and seek her forgiveness for that matter.
If I am Karen, I would sit back and reflect on my actions and ask myself why did Charlie reacted the way he did?
Maybe I appear to be too cheerful infront of him? Maybe I did not asked for any help before and he assumed that I am someone that can take anything in this world?
I would then seek clarification with him to see if he knew the real cause of my misery. If he did, I would forgive him and apologize to him for my outburst.
Hope my "solutions" work!
See you around in class!
Hi Shiela!
ReplyDeleteThis situation is common and I also experience a similiar situation.
If I were Charlie, I would re-think the situation of Karen.I will approach to give her a hand to reduce her sadness. Apology is a must, maybe I will send SMS or email. A face to face talk is also OK. I will try to do what I can do to help her.
If I were Karen, I would have a better control of my emotion. And make sure what Charlie really thinks. Use U-attitude to get a better understanding of Charlie. Don't judge a person just from things that we are not sure. :-)
@ Edmund : oh, card! good idea. I agree that at times, written method is effective, especially when the person has vowed not to communicate anymore. But in any ways, if there is letter or card, the person is bound to read. haha. thanks! see you around!
ReplyDelete@Brooks : oh, you experienced before? so how did it go in the end? I believe that you problems are solved right? =) and yes, sometimes, emotions are just too hard to control, especially under certain special situation. hehe.
This is a good description because it is clearly focused, concisely expressed, and highly detailed. It is also relevant because all of us make this sort of mistake, assuming one thing of a friend or family member and then discovering that our assumption is wrong.
ReplyDeleteYou've generated good feedback with this story, Sheila. Thank you for your fine effort.
Here are a few language errors to take into consideration:
a) a conflict resulted >>> ?
b) "unexceptionally quiet" means she is always quite
c) some of her books have been destroyed >>> some of her books had been destroyed
d) by moulds >>> ?
e) refusing Karen the chance to collect herself together >>> disallowing Karen the chance to collect herself
f) her wallet was a gift from her grandmother, while her books are birthday gifts >>> ?
Thank you, Brad! I have edited my post. I hope they are alright now. thanks! =)
ReplyDelete